Last week I saw a female patient in my clinical practice who wanted to get back on the dating scene. She'd recently been divorced and after all the dust had settled, she decided it might be time to try again.
She was ready to meet someone to have dinner with and go to the movies. She never mentioned intimacy, rather she just wanted a man to go out with. No sex. Not going to be easy to find a man who'll be satisfied with that, I thought.
Sex or the lack thereof in her marriage was a contributing factor to the demise of the union. The marriage was tumultuous in large part due to the fact that she felt her husband wanted sex all the time. She couldn't service him enough, she said. It's actually called Desire Discrepancy.
"Now, he's free to go out and get all the sex he wants!" she exclaimed.
What about you? I asked. What about me? she replied.
Why do you care so much about your ex-husband's sex life? What about your own sex life?
After all....Sex Is For You. Apparently, THAT was the most profound thing I said in our hour long meeting.
Sex is for me? She seemed legit confused. Of course, many women are taught that sex is dirty or bad. Women get mixed messages from society as they are often slut shamed for enjoying the pleasure of sex.
Speaking of pleasure, women are rarely if ever educated about pleasure.
My patient had interest. Interest in learning more about her own pleasure. She'd received other messages about sex having had a strict religious upbringing. Puritanical attitudes imposed by archaic-patriarch societies and religious communities have been detrimental to female sexuality.
As I explained to my patient, self exploration is key. In order to communicate what feels good or pleasurable, a woman needs to know for herself. I suggested my patient begin by touching herself.
I then suggested she take time to herself and perhaps start using a personal massager, otherwise known as a vibrator. There are a number of vibrators available that are sleek, sexy and discreet. For women like my patient who've never used a personal massager, Lila is a great start! https://www.floravi.com/en/shop/products/short-massager-lila.html
My patient was pleased we'd had this convo. She said it was the first time she had ever had education about sexual pleasure and at age 47, she thought that was a bit late. It's actually never too late but we have a lot of catching up to do ladies.
For more information about female sexual health products, please visit https://www.floravi.com/en/
Maureen McGrath RN, NCA is a Nurse Continence Advisor and a Sexual Health Educator. She is in private practice in Vancouver and North Vancouver. Her website is: https://www.backtothebedroom.ca/
Maureen hits the air waves every Sunday Night in Western Canada for her show The Sunday Night Health Show https://globalnews.ca/bc/program/sunday-night-health-show