1. Men want to be desired. So let him know you are physically attracted to him & compliment him when you can. Let him know you're proud of his accomplishments.

2. Men aren't afraid of honesty & they don't want to feel like they have to change who they are for you. You can't change him so don't even try.

2. Men are linear in their goals & objectives & have no appreciation for drama. Don't come at him broadside especially if it is irrelevant to him.

4. Wrap your arms around him, show a little PDA. Initiate.

Women are linear too & believe that sexual desire comes first. Take a page out of Nike's book, "Just do it!" If you enjoy it, it's called responsive desire. It's a bio-psycho-social model that resonates with today's busy woman.

5. Never let him believe your love is conditional. Remember, he likes his freedom. Don't undermine him or threaten his masculinity.

6. Be authentic & real. Don't fake anything especially the Big O! Let him help you to experience them!

7. Talk to him......in bed. Guide him. Men are totally turned on when a woman verbalizes what she wants, what feels good & when she feels pleasure. Be vulnerable in bed, open up & let go.

You can still be a boss but be yourself & he'll be his.

Married men may experience frustration at repeated rejection because they initiate sex more often than women do but women may be even more devastated at male rejection believing there is something unattractive or undesirable about them to their partner. Men just think women hate sex. But that's another blog post.

Once couples marry, it seems that sex priorities change dramatically. Couples settle in like they would an old comfy couch. Appearances of a perfect union to the neighbours, friends and/or relatives may be more important than a bond in the bedroom.

With kids comes fatigue, smaller space, stress or a move to the suburbs and the need for a new vehicle. You will never have sex in a minivan so don't even think about it. Time, desire, finances, conflict resolution strategies, in-laws and jobs replace the passion of yesteryear (as long as you didn't marry your best friend or answer the call of your ticking biological clock which means sex was doomed from the start).

So if your wife seemingly hates sex unless she wants something (shoes, a new car or a baby) or if your husband is covertly arranging threesomes with women he's never met (a sure sign of the sexually deprived husband), or if your husband prefers sleep to seduction, your wife is too tired for sex but not shopping, you may be a victim of married sex. And here are the signals:

1. If you do this……I will have sex with you sex….This is sex that is typically associated with an unfinished home project, a hedge trim, the promise of a household chore or simply putting down the toilet seat. (women's standards are pretty low)
2. Shower Sex: The water is hot and the sex isn't. It's awkward, done only to save time.
3. Hurry up sex: The kids are awake, home, listening, going to walk in etc sex. Inevitably she hears someone at the door whether they are there or not. She will check and ruin the moment.
4. Did you did you did you.....? sex. This is transformational sex which goes from in the early days of dating, was that good for you baby? To did you, did you, did you......finish? What's wrong with you? We've been at this for a minute and a half. The hard truth is a soft reality.
5. Morning sex: I am in mourning over the loss of my sex life.
6. Sex anytime anywhere sex: You: Honey, I'm breastfeeding, have a fever, abdominal pain, diarrhea, a runny nose and am bleeding from every orifice. Him: Can we have sex?
7. Tech Sex: No this isn't about vibrators, but about watching tv or checking your iPhone during sex.
8. I want another baby sex. Yes! Yes! Yes! The sex life is reignited. Because most men’s brains are below the belt they are more than happy to oblige because pregnancy is the last thing they think will result from unprotected sex when a woman is ovulating. Our brains are hard-wired for instant gratification. So is his.
9. Why can’t we just cuddle sex? This needs no further description.
10. I wanted to but you were sleeping sex: You didn’t come upstairs fast enough and I fell asleep. Or I just had so much to do downstairs and by the time I came up (the next day), you were asleep.
11. Lights out sex- especially after children, with weight gain, peri-menopause, menopause
12. I just bought 6 pairs of Jimmy Choos sex. Cowboy, take me away!

Both men and women in same sex marriages or heterosexual unions who are deprived of sex from their spouse, experience sadness, loneliness and are at increased risk of hypertension and early death.

The signals above are foreplay to a marital fiasco. Sex in marriage does ebb and flow because marriage is under the constant influence of sex, money and in-laws. Technology too may extinguish the spark. Blue light emission interrupts your sleep and you are more likely to fight the next day. Libido plummets due to resultant tech fatigue. This may be an addiction and every bit as lethal as an addiction to alcohol, drugs, porn, sex, food or shopping.

Communication is key. Keep having the talk. The. Sex. Talk. And it's actually women who report more boredom in the bedroom. Talking about sex is arousing. Why do you think sexting is so popular? Keep in mind, a lack of sex in a marriage is the number one reason for divorce.

So if you're having more quickies than coital extravaganzas, more rejection than reconnection, she prefers long johns to lingerie or if long john is rather lonely, it may be time to massage the marriage and get Back To The Bedroom. Making sex a priority in your marriage is good for intimacy, health and your relationship. Yes, take a page out of Nike's book and "Just Do it!" But just do it well.

Maureen McGrath is a sexpert, women's health expert and hosts the CKNW Sunday Night Sex Show . Maureen's TEDx Talk on No Sex Marriage: Masturbation, Loneliness, Cheating and Shame has had close to 6 million views in one year. Sexless marriage is a thing. Maureen is the creator of the blog 50ShadesofPink.ca and has a clinical practice in North Vancouver, British Columbia where she helps many couples in sexless marriages. Maureen is also available for SKYPE consults. Contact her at her website: Back To The Bedroom For more information about Mona Lisa Touch a new novel hormone-free therapy for vaginal dryness, painful sex, low sexual desire and urinary incontinence visit Mona Lisa Touch.

Are you headed to a Sexless Marriage? Take the Quiz Sexless Marriage Quiz

All sounds great, right? Wrong. You see Laura was experiencing some symptoms of peri-menopause, in particular, vaginal dryness. This not only made sex uncomfortable, but it seemed to take her longer than usual to experience orgasm, although she said the memory could have faded given the protracted period of time it had been since she had had sex with the ex.

I explained to Laura that estrogen is the hormone regulator of the vagina, and when it decreases (which is common in the years leading up to menopause or the peri-menopausal years) vaginal dryness is not uncommon.  Laura also told me that she had a urinary tract infection recently after having had sex with her new man. Laura was distraught. Stress is another common reason for vaginal dryness. The urinary tract infection may be related to Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause or GSM.

I suggested that Laura tries a personal moisturizer like RepaGyn, a hormone-free ovule, that is inserted into the vagina nightly for eight days, then twice per week.  Laura also had a small area at the base of the opening of her vagina where the tissue was quite thin. This was consistent with her report that sex was painful upon penetration.  For that, I recommended that she abstain from sex for two weeks and use a barrier cream twice daily. That area needed to heal. The RepaGyn contains hyaluronic acid which acts as a healing agent which would be beneficial as well.

After two weeks, the thin area was healed and Laura was ready to resume sex with her new man.  If Laura were to get another urinary tract infection whether it be after sex or not, I suggested she speak to her doctor about getting a prescription for low dose localized estrogen therapy as this is the preventive treatment for GSM.  I also suggested she drink enough water-based fluids so that her urine is clear 90% of the time which helps to prevent urinary tract infections also.

Laura did end up back to the bedroom with her new man and she was happy to report that not only did she not get another urinary tract infection, no longer was there any sexual pain and she was able to experience orgasms better than she ever could remember!

According to the Center for Disease Control, the average age that people lose their virginity (defined as sexual intercourse) is 17.1 years for both men and women. It drops to 0.3 percent for individuals age 40-44. It is quite uncommon to find post-menopausal women who are virgins.  Not only was Colleen a virgin but her fiancé was as well.

Colleen had never had penetrative sex, ever. She had been involved with men in the past and cuddling and fondling were as as far as she had ever gone. Her religious beliefs were integral in keeping her pure for her husband. She wanted a full on traditional wedding complete with white dress! She also planned on having sex on her wedding night!  Most brides do not have sex on their wedding nights but Colleen did not want to be part of that statistic. A benefit of saving yourself for your husband, perhaps.

That was not the only thing that was cause for concern for this bride. Colleen was also post-menopausal and was experiencing vaginal dryness. Colleen was extremely nervous that not only would sex be painful with her future husband but that there might be bleeding. Colleen had recently noticed small amounts of blood on the tissue when she wiped herself after voiding.

She was very upset also because she had gone to her doctor who told her that her worries were silly and that all she needed to do was to go to a sex shop and buy some lube. This embarrassed Colleen ever further and did not help her at all.

After congratulating Colleen for her upcoming wedding, I realized it was clear that this late in life bride also needed some late in life vaginal health education.  I explained to Colleen that estrogen is the hormone regulator of the vagina and that once estrogen decreases in the urogenital tract, a woman may experience symptoms like vaginal dryness and a bit of light bleeding because the tissues are dry and may crack leading to the bleeding.  I also explained to her that she is likely to experience this light bleeding after sex as well especially if she does not treat it.

Colleen found comfort in the knowledge that upwards of 80% o women experience vaginal dryness and it may occur at any time during a woman’s reproductive life and beyond. I told her vaginal health was important and it was just as important to moisturize her vagina as it was her face. In fact because the vaginal tissues were mucous membranes, they were more likely to respond to moisturization.

I suggested Colleen try Repagyn an ovule which contains Vitamin E and Hyaluronic Acid to repair tissues is inserted into the vagina nightly for eight days and then two to three times weekly. Repagyn optimizes within two months. Catherine breathed a sigh of relief as that was the exact time that she would be getting married and if she started on the Repagyn today, she her vaginal dryness would be treated by the time she walked down the aisle.

Colleen also needed some education on relaxation techniques as she was worried she would not “do it” right. I explained that there is no right way to do it and that she and her new husband would learn together. Getting to know each other intimately and learn what pleases one another would be part of the fun.  The more they planned on getting back to the bedroom, the better at it they would be.

She and her husband were hardly intimate and she felt quite badly about this. She loved her husband said they had so much in common but on the rare occasion that they did get back to the bedroom, their sex life was lacklustre to say the least. She said she did not feel anything "down there" and rarely experienced orgasm. The natural thing one would think is that fatigue was a major contributor to Tina's sorry sex life because that is indeed the number one reason for low sexual desire in women. But it was more than that.......

Tina said she never really enjoyed sex and never had that "Sex in the City" kind of sex anyway. "Who has that?" she wondered. Those who report spicy sex lives are women who are educated well in terms of sexuality, can be vulnerable with themselves or a partner, value their sex lives and most important are comfortable getting naked because body image is key.

When I inquired about the kind of sex Tina was having, she said no longer did they have penetrative sex because she has vaginal dryness. She also told me she was not comfortable having oral sex and therefore her husband never "went down" on her. She did not enjoy giving oral sex either basically because she lacked the skill. I hope they both like vanilla was all I was thinking. Regardless, it was clear that Tina was at a time in her relationship and life that she had a desire to strive for a more robust sex life and after four children was in need of a little sex education.

Tina was curious about how she could improve their sex life as she did not want to perceive herself exclusively as a mother and not a sexual woman. In terms of sex education, Tina had learned that sex was not to be enjoyed and that she should get it over with quickly. She was breaking this sexpert's heart. Before I could address Tina's inappropriate education and views on healthy sex, I had to address another health issue of hers. Tina had had four babies in six years and her body went through many hormonal changes, which would impact her vaginal health, the root cause of vaginal dryness and decreased sexual sensation.

The personal moisturizer Repagyn that I recommended for her vaginal dryness contains Vitamin E and Hyaluronic Acid to heal vaginal tissues and keep them youthful.  She reported that treatment with Repagyn, "woke her up down there." She said she started to feel tingling sensations in her clitoris and labia when she thought of making love to her young buck. Her vagina was almost as young again as he was!

Next up (pun intended) was dealing with her fear about sex or great sex. First I was quick to point out the advantages of oral love play. Oral sex when performed on a woman (cunnilingus) is an excellent way of helping her to get sexually aroused and may help to increase her own personal lubrication. If a woman's partner whether male or female is skilled at oral sex, it is a great way of helping her to experience an orgasm.

Oral sex performed on a man or oral stimulation of a man's penis (fellatio) is something most men find exhilarating but sadly for many it is no more than the annual birthday gift. Be sure you look your man straight in the eye when performing oral sex and fondle his testicles, I advised Tina. A little "rimming" in other words using her tongue on her husband's anal rim will add variety for her and increase sensation for him. Rubbing his penile shaft will help and being enthusiastic is critical!

Tina was more comfortable now and felt that oral sex was something she was willing to try on her husband! "Blow out the candles, lucky man, your birthday is coming early! I explained to Tina, that licking her husband's penis like you're licking an ice cream cone (in their case vanilla) is a real turn on for a guy and a nice way to begin. Regular rhythm would get her into the groove and get him worked up, sustaining the arousal.

Tina's husband had occasional erectile dysfunction (yes men in their thirties can get ED) and I explained that oral sex for men with erectile dysfunction may be helpful in that the sucking motion of a person's mouth may induce or improve an erection. Tina felt better learning how sex is related to health and that her intimate life is vital to a happy and healthy relationship. Sex in the City, here she comes! For more information about how sex is related to health, go to my website backtothebedroom.ca where you will find information on how to order my book: Sex & Health: Why One Can't Come Without The Other.

Dear Maureen,

My boyfriend keeps asking me if I am interested in having a threesome with him and a female colleague of his. Not only does this make me feel like there is something wrong with me, I feel very disrespected. My friends have said that this is the only way I will be able to keep  him or any man sexually satisfied and interested in me over the long term. What do you think?

Sincerely,

Stuck in the Middle

First of all, it is pretty well known that most men fantasize about watching their girlfriend or wife make love to another woman. On top of that, men love to fantasize that two women are having their way with him. These thoughts, desires and fantasies may make a girlfriend feel as though she is not good enough or that she can’t satisfy her man.

From the sounds of how you are feeling, you probably don’t even feel like having a twosome with him. But I digress. I understand how you feel however what I don't understand is your perception that his cries for a threesome are disrespectful. Simply put, it is a question. If you cannot ask a question in a relationship, respect is the least of your concerns. Your boyfriend has every right to ask whatever question he so desires, yes even that question. You may have different concepts of sex but for him the threesome may only be about erotic fantasy but it definitely is about pleasure and after all that is what sex is about. So being in a relationship with him should not preclude him from experiencing pleasure through other intimate and loving ways that include you. He is not seeking a threesome OUTSIDE of your relationship after all!

Many women enjoy a threesome as much if not more than a man. That said, many women are not attracted to women and would never entertain the more common F-M-F version.  Some women enjoy the experience of experimenting with another woman and this is the perfect set up.  Another reason women, may not fancy an F-M-F threesome is that unless a man’s refractory period (time between erections) is that of a teenage boy, there is only one holy grail and that is the penetrative sex and so a choice must be made. This may lead to one of the women feeling left out and it is very hard not to experience feelings of jealousy especially if she is the main squeeze.

Many women would however gladly consider an M-F-M version of a threesome.  She is the holy grail twice! And likely in a very short amount of time. Many men thoroughly enjoy when another man makes love to their girlfriend or wife and may get off on watching the pleasure she is experiencing with him. You may consider an M-F-M threesome and ask him if that is something he would like to explore with you! Expanding your horizons outside of your relationship may take your loving to a higher level. Sexual urges are very unique and vital to a person’s sexual self esteem and their sexuality. I'm not saying that you should agree to anything for as always you must do what is comfortable for you. Mutuality and consent are key in exploring new heights in a healthy relationship.  What I am saying however is that it is best not to make this an issue of shame. It is the shame in a relationship that spoils it.

There you have it, my humble opinion on the realities of the infamous threesome.  Don’t let his fantasy keep you from having sex with him. In the meantime, you will want to keep things up and continue to get back to the bedroom with your man!

Sam did a great introduction summarizing the study but I noticed she was careful not to say the s-e-x word (I get it, another pun).  Not everyone is comfortable with the subject of sex and people may be driving around with children in their cars.  Lucky we have been able to procreate at all here, as it turns out that British Columbians are the LEAST satisfied with their romantic and sex lives among all Canadians, and being uncomfortable with the mere mention of sex may be a contributing factor!  Sam spoke about body image as  a reason for low sexual satisfaction. She said, "we are not all that comfortable with our bodies and therefore we are not comfortable when we are naked."  Ironic in a province where running shoes trump suits.

The Global News IPSOS Poll results and other surveys

According to the Global News IPSOS Poll:

• Canadians on the East Coast have the best romantic and sex lives (71% satisfaction), followed by the middle of the country (68%);
• Alberta clocked in at 65% and trailing behind are the Ontarians (59%);
• British Columbians are dead last (someone has to come last, p-u-n).

According to a Chatelaine magazine survey of 1000 Canadian women:

• 60% remain in their romantic relationships for companionship and a mere 2% stay for the sex!

Further, according to a National Globe and Mail on-line study of 10,000 whereby 70% were male respondents:

• 75% reported they were satisfied with their relationship but more than 52% were dissatisfied with their sex lives.

The Sexual Socialization of Girls and Women

This demonstrates a rather obvious disconnect between relationships and sex.  One reason may be that women are poorly socialized about sex. Women are taught to view sex as a commodity, something to give away or withhold or to be used to advance in life.  According the UNAIDS, “sex is the currency by which girls are to pay for life’s opportunities.”  It is not acceptable for women to say they enjoy sex because it places them at risk for slut shaming by men and women.

Another very common reason for low sexual satisfaction in a relationship is desire discrepancy. Simply put, one partner wants it more than the other.  Low sexual desire in women is a common reason and may occur in men too (but less so).  Fatigue is the number one reason for low sexual desire in women; ladies, don’t take on too much that you are too tired to take on your man (or wife) at night.  If you are not having sex with your husband (or wife) someone else will!

Why is Low Sexual Desire so Common?

Lack of sex may have it's roots in the bio-psychosocial as sex begins in the brain, our largest sex organ.  If anxiety, depression or addiction takes hold, then it may impact your sex life as will many of the medications used to treat these conditions. Other concerns including erectile dysfunction, which can occur at any age, vaginal dryness or vaginal atrophy, which affects up to 70% of post-menopausal women, may decrease sexual satisfaction as well.

Of course any history of sexual abuse or assault, bladder health, chronic pain and/or mobility issues may impact sexual satisfaction as well.  Social media plays a role as well.  With the flip of a click we can seek attention from others or find someone better looking, wealthier or having a better time than who or what we have going on at home….on-line at least (remember pictures lie).

Finally, the real reason for the plight of the sexually dissatisfied British Columbians may lie in the fact that we are hugging more trees than lovers.  According to Amy Muise, a sex researcher at the University of Toronto who conducted this poll for IPSOS, claims that increased cuddling time after sex has been demonstrated to improve sexual satisfaction.

Why Aren't British Columbians Frisky?

So why are the Atlantic provinces living the friskier life? We may be more tapped out here in British Columbia given high cost of living saddling couples with excessive debt coupled with high housing costs which lead to stress and may mean less sex. The colder weather and/or higher unemployment rates may keep Atlantic Canada igniting more romantic fires and that makes them more likely to get under the covers! They may be more grateful for the small things (no pun intended) in life.  Our “Fifty Shades of Grey” weather probably does not help our sexual satisfaction because it actually lowers mood for many.

It is difficult to determine exactly why BC is less sexually satisfied but regardless of where you live in the country, the following holds true:

• Both individuals in a relationship need to make sex a priority
• Both need to be curious and open in communicating sexual and intimate needs and desires

After all, if you cannot touch yourself, who can you touch? Knowing how to please yourself and your partner is vital to sexual satisfaction. There is not a position, fantasy, or sex toy (except maybe the womanizer lol) that will create the kind of sexual satisfaction that bringing your best self to the relationship will.

So British Columbians, it is clear; take care of yourself and your partner and be your best self in a relationship by dealing with any issues so that you can get back to the bedroom henceforth!

Dear Maureen,

Love your CKNW Sunday Night Sex Show. It is informative, engaging and really funny (especially some of those callers). At 44 years of age, I am not sexually active at the moment because I do not have a woman in my life. I am a bit worried because I really enjoy sex and am concerned that I might miss the boat because I cannot imagine people having sex past age 65. What if I never meet anyone? I will have had the shortest sex life ever! So my question is, “when do people stop having sex?”

Keep up the great work! Sincerely stuck in sexless land,

Ryan

Thank you so much for the great question, Ryan! Many people are curious whether or not so-called "old people" have sex. Let me put it to you this way: A 22 year old male patient of mine said to me, “So Maureen, when does sex end? 35?” You would have been done by now, Ryan, if it were up to that patient! We all have a different definition of what "older" means and what that means for someone’s sex life.

A person can enjoy a healthy sex life well into the 80’s and beyond as long as their health is good. There is no magic time when “being turned on gets turned off.” The healthier a person is, the better their sex life. That is why it is important to:

• Eat a healthy low sugar, low carb, high protein, plant-based diet;
• Exercise daily;
• Quit smoking;
• Keep alcohol to a minimum;
• Manage the stress of life with healthy strategies;
• Get help immediately for any health conditions that may arise.

There are a number of conditions that occur as we age that may impact one’s sex life such as:

• Low sexual desire
• Erectile dysfunction
• Urinary incontinence
• Vaginal dryness/vaginal atrophy

Conditions such as the ones listed above can make us feel less than desirable and desire less sex. There is no shame in any of these conditions; speak to your health care provider about any sexual health issues you may have as you age and remember that your genes may play a role in your health but YOU play the starring role! Also, many people are meeting online today but if that seems too daunting, you may engage the services of a Matchmaking Professional as they are once again making their debut in the dating world! Best of luck to you and your efforts to get back to the bedroom and thank you for listening!

Jonathan was having difficulty maintaining his erection and it was beginning to impact their relationship. He was quite embarrassed and had not sought treatment despite his wife’s urging to speak to their family doctor. She was concerned that it may be a sign of other health problems.

Erectile Dysfunction is the canary in the coal mine and may be a sign of things to come.

ED is a common condition affecting about 50% of all Canadian men 40+ years of age (based on a Canadian survey of men seen by primary care physicians).*  Men in their twenties and thirties may also experience ED.

It is not uncommon for men to feel embarrassed when they begin to have erection difficulties and want to ignore the issue. This can be a big mistake because it may in fact be a sign of an underlying health problem like heart disease or diabetes. It may also lead to anger, difficulties in a relationship, sleep problems, and even depression.

There are a number of different causes for erectile dysfunction which can include:

• Mediations
• Alcohol consumption
• Poor penile blood flow
• Fatigue
• Chronic illness

Having occasional erection difficulties isn’t always a cause for concern; however, if persistent, it may cause stress, impact sexual self esteem, and negatively effect one's relationship.

It is advisable to speak to your doctor about erectile dysfunction. It seems that most men are quite embarrassed when this arises (pun intended) because they feel it strikes at their manhood. In many cases ED can be reversed, so it's important to open that discussion with your healthcare provider.

There are many treatment options for erectile dysfunction which can include:

• Exercise
• Healthy diet
• Testosterone
• Medications that increase blood flow
• Vacuum pumps
• Injections
• Pellets containing medication inserted into the urethra

Sex is intimately tied to health. People who are sexually active look younger, have better moods and sleep better.  It is also the best and most natural pain medication ever. You’ll want to treat your erectile dysfunction so you can have more fun and get back to the bedroom!

* Source: http://www.pfizer.ca/sites/g/files/g10017036/f/201410/Erectile_Dysfunction.pdf

I probed a bit more and asked her if they were intimate at all. She answered yes, but provided no details as to what that meant. She said she never got that close. Intimacy was a “kiss at the door” when he arrived home after a long day’s work. Wilda and her husband never discussed sex or the lack thereof. She excelled at avoiding the subject but felt tremendous guilt over it especially since I had asked her whether or not she was sexually active or not.

Wilda wanted to resume her sex life with her husband but had no idea where to begin. We needed to begin by fitting her with a pessary, a device inserted into the vagina to support a prolapse. She was quite happy to learn that she could have sex while wearing a pessary. There are many different types of pessaries, but the one that worked best for her was a #4 ring with support.

Wilda was concerned that the pessary may have a scent. Pessaries may have a scent and to prevent this I often suggest using a personal moisturizer that contains Tea Tree Oil such as RepaGyn® a vaginal ovule or DrUAqua vaginal cream.

We then spoke about a paradigm shift in Wilda’s wild life. Taking time for oneself and paying attention to a relationship and her husband is key to a healthy sex life. It is never easy to tell a woman that when men are not having sex with their partners or wives, there is an increased chance for cheating. I remind them it is about sex not love.

You can imagine how happy I was to hear her report that she had resumed her sex life after making a few changes and having her prolapse treated. She felt that RepaGyn® increased the moisture in her vagina, which she did not realize was lacking, and increased her libido! Not only was she sexually active, but she went all in (so to speak) and purchased lingerie. She was feeling sexy all over again and loving it and so was her husband who was surprised and delighted at his new-found sexy wife again! With Wilda’s lingerie, new-found libido, and love for her husband, it was no surprise that she was heading back to the bedroom... multiple times these days!